Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I have been struck, as i'm sure many of  us have, by the overwhelming number of very religious christians among the republican candidates in the upcoming elections, and so i deduce that their supporters are likewise predominantly christian and fundamentalists.  They are consumed by horror at the sins of the world, and specifically of Americans.  Surely, God must want them to do something about this.  And so I offer them a piece of advice.

The country is indeed full of the people you fear.  Everywhere you turn there are fornicators, masturbaters, socialists, atheists, builders of mosques and other satanic centers,  same sex marriers, welfare recipients, lazy collectors of unemployment, taxers of the innocent rich, illegal aliens, legal aliens who look like illegal aliens, headless mexicans,  grinding homosexuals, islamic terrorists, medicare recipients, social security spenders, believers in federal government, anarchists,  evolutionists, communists, deniers of the social bonds between our ancestors and the dinosaurs,  tolerant christians, opponents of capital punishment, gun controllers, and reporters who ask questions.  We are in great danger.

And what is the greatest remedy of all evils?  Prayer, of course.  God wants you to pray. God wants you to pray a lot.

So I am humbly suggesting that you set aside November 2nd as a day of prayer.  Do not go out and mingle with the sinners!  Above all, do not go into voting booths.  Who knows what unspeakable acts have gone on behind those innocent-looking curtains?  What communists and lesbians have stood in those boxes, grasped those pens, leaned on those sin-stained walls?  Sin is infectious, and all the diseases of the soul are waiting for you in those booths of bestiality!  Stay in the purity of your homes on that day, or if you must go out, go to a church where you can meet with others among the saved.  Above all, pray!  From midnight to midnight, do nothing but pray!  Eat, if you must, and sip some water, but do not stop praying.  Do not engage in idle conversation with each other. Do  not answer your telephones.  Just pray.

Glen Beck asked God for a miracle, and God sent him a flock of geese.  who knows what God might do for thousands of  you, all at once, praying your hearts out all day? 

It will be an election to remember.


Ken Goldstein said...

And just in case any of the Christians reading this post think that voting from home with an absentee ballot is acceptable, it is not. God does not want you looking for loopholes, he wants your obedience. But don't worry, if God really wants your candidate to win, he doesn't need your help, or your vote.

karen lindsey said...

brother ken has made an excellent point.